Her heart is broken....

I was taking dinner into a friend who just had a baby and I asked Carson to come help me carry the food in. Hallie decided that she wanted to come too, but she was in her swim suit after dancing in the rain and I told her she couldn't come. She was crying when I left and when I got back, she was on the kitchen floor in a puddle, still crying. I asked her what was wrong and she told me that her heart was just broken. Derrick and I looked at each other and tried to keep from laughing. Derrick asked her how it got broken and she said that it was because of the noodles in her heart. Noodles? Don't ask me where she came up with that one, but Derrick decided to ask her. She said she has noodles in her heart to feed her monkey. What monkey you ask? Evidently there is a monkey running around in her chest that is making her heart beat. We couldn't help but smile as she was telling us this-- then she fell asleep a few minutes later and all was good in her world. What a crack up this child is!

Heart Wrenching

How do you explain to your 3 year old that you don't get to "quit" being sick? That her health problems will be with her for the rest of her life? I had to put a new feeding tube down last night. Combine that with her aversion to eating these days (it hurts and so she doesn't like to eat any more-- so odd for Hallie), it made for a hard night as I was trying to get her to eat her dinner. She sobbed all the way through prayer before dinner. She cried all the way through dinner. She told Derrick that we don't love her because we do mean things to her, so she doesn't want to live with us anymore. She wants to live with Grammy and Pop or with Grandma and Grandpa-- anyone that won't make her do all of these mean things.

It was such a hard night for me. I have come to the realization the last week or so that she is missing enough of her intestines that she is not going to be able to absorb enough nutrients on her own. This is really going to be a lifelong thing. I am always going to have to supplement her eating at night with her feeding tube. I have spoken with her GI doc and the surgeon here in Reno to start the process to get a permanent G-tube put directly into her stomach. Of course, if she miraculously has this amazing recovery, they can remove it and sew the hole up, but for the most part, it will be a permanent thing. It will be a lot easier than her feeding tube down her nose. I won't have to change it once a week. I won't have to pull a layer of skin off of her cheeks when I take the tape off. It will prevent people from staring at her in the store or the park, or wherever we might be, asking what is wrong and what the tube is for. In short, it will give her a more normal life and hopefully, help pave the way for when she can go to school in a few years.

But it has still been a bitter pill to swallow. I think I had naively hoped that she would bounce back like her previous 3 intestinal surgeries and if you gave her enough time, she would be able to adjust and return to a normal child. To accept that my little girl will always have to have help has been hard. Will she ever be able to have sleep overs with her friends? Or will her friends always have to come to our house so that she can be hooked up at night? She loses weight every time I don't hook her up at night. Hopefully, we will be able to adjust a little better so that she can still afford a night at a friend or cousin's house (hint hint Cody and Heather-- she is already talking about how you told her she could have a sleep over in July!). It's been hard to watch her as we have walked different places and done different things to see how weak she is. She wants to be carried all of the time. I have to bribe her to walk to the next street and then she could be carried a little while. My brother Cody and his wife Heather came to visit us over the weekend (more to be posted about that later) and they were really good to help out with her, but now that it is just me with her and Tucker during the day, we are going to have to make some adjustments. We got rid of our stroller that both Hallie and Tucker fit in because she wanted to walk everywhere. Now, not only does she not want to walk everywhere, but I don't want her burning that many calories on our longer walking days. So I am having to get another stroller that I can put both kids in. It has just been a few weeks of painful realizations and acceptance and the way things are going to be for the next while. Then for her to tell us that she quit, she was done, and didn't want to do this anymore, just touched a very sensitive nerve because I was kind of thinking the same thing!

The good news in all of this is that I have found a great pediatric GI doc here in Reno that Hallie and I both love. He is very cute with her and makes her laugh a lot. And he is very thorough and listens to me, which I LOVE. I am very confident that he is putting Hallie's best interest in front and that he will help me make the best decisions for her. Thank you all for your love and support as we continue on this roller coaster. It means more to me than I can ever express! We will get through all of this because of people like you.

Pics of Tucker in the hospital....

So, I know this was a month ago, but I haven't been able to download my pics from my camera until today. Here are a few of Tucker in the hospital...

Happy Anniversary!

Today is our 9th anniversary. With how chaotic our lives have been, it has been so nice to make time for Derrick and I. I picked him up from work and took him to lunch, along with Hallie, Tucker, and Danyelle, a family friend-- very romantic, I know! Our kids crave family time every bit as much as we do. Derrick showed up after work with roses for me, then we headed out to dinner at one of my favorite places Genghis Grill. As romantic as it is, we went shopping for a little while after. It is so rare that we get to walk into a store without at least one child. It was very nice to just spend time together. Thanks Shan for watching the kids!

Who ever would have guessed when we got married what we would go through and where our lives would take us in the next 9 years. I never imagined such heartache and suffering, but also so much joy and happiness. We have been incredibly blessed and I can't wait to see where the next 9 years take us! I love you Derrick!

Happily Home

Tucker was officially released Monday afternoon from the hospital. Poor guy was so dehydrated that they stuck him 10 times to get an iv in before I told them to stop and called Derrick to come and give him a blessing. (For those of you who are not LDS, we believe that men who have received the priesthood have the authority to act in the Lord's name). We got the iv in the next try, thank goodness. He loved that iv. Tucker LOVES cords-- anything with a cord on it is his favorite toy. He crawls behind my couches to get my lamp cords, he crawls to my desk and sticks his little arm behind there to pull at the cords. He loves it when Carson leaves out a Wii controller with the Nunchuk. That cord has baby teeth marks on it. So in Tucker's world, it could not have been cooler than to have a tube attached to his leg. It followed him everywhere he went! He just had to bend down and grab it to have a play toy and it had all sorts of cool ports on it for medicine that he got to play with as well-- pretty awesome! We pumped him full of fluids and have him on soy milk for a little while. They think he stripped away some of the lining of his intestines with as much diarrhea as he had, so milk products have a tendency to really irritate the bowels.

Other than that, he is returning to his happy normal self. He's jumping in his jumperoo right now, just happy as can be! He's crawling everywhere! He fell down 3 stairs yesterday. I have to figure out how to get a gate across the top of my stairs. I'm not sure how to do that with the layout, but I need to get creative! He's back to standing up to everything and trying to walk around and he is even getting pretty good at bending in the middle to fall, as opposed to staying as stiff as a board. Tucker is doing squats now as well. He'll be standing up to something and down he goes into a squat and than stands back up. He does 10-15 reps every time. We took a great picture the other night of the goofy face he was pulling. I'll post it when Derrick can get my computer to recognize my printer, so that I can use the card reader in it. Tucker is finally starting to be able to sit! He is such a backward child-- he can crawl and pull himself up to things and walk around furniture and even sit on his knees, but he is just finally learning that there are advantages to sitting flat on his rear! It is so fun to watch him figuring things out. He prefers his daddy right now, mom is just second best. Derrick absolutely loves it! I am so incredibly grateful the Lord blessed me with such a sweet angel, especially during this trying time in our lives!

Carson of course now has the same virus the other two have had. It is such a nasty virus!! I finally brought home some gloves from the hospital because I was washing my hands 20-30 times a day, just changing Hallie and Tucker. My hands are just raw! Carson is confined to his room to try and keep the other two from getting it back. We shall see if it works. Hallie puts hand sanitizer on about 50 times a day so she doesn't get germs because she doesn't want to go to the hospital. I am hopeful that because Carson is older and healthy to begin with that he will weather this virus better.

Hallie is finally starting to feel better. This is the best I have seen her in probably 4 or 5 months. Her appetite is returning, her bowels are functioning, she is off pain meds, her personality is starting to show through again-- not just the ornery Hallie that we have known for awhile now! It is so gratifying to see that through the misery of the last few months is emerging a happier, healthier Hallie. She's even gained almost a pound back! Yeah for Hallie!

I appreciate everyone's love and concern. We are doing the very best that we can with what we have been given. And we are holding up through it all. We are growing closer and closer to the Lord each and every day. For those that are encouraging and supportive, thank you so much. You will never know how many of our prayers you are answering and how even just telling us that we are strong, makes us feel strong enough to deal with what may be ahead for us. There are so many things going on in our lives that we are facing, many of them too personal to share, but we are taking each one head on and doing the best we can, which is all that we can do. For those that have expressed concerns, please know that I know my children, especially my daughter better than anyone. I know what they are or aren't capable of. In the entire realm of our lives, we have chosen to not stress about what we consider small things. It is the only way that we know how to survive. We know the concern comes out of love and appreciate it, but we will be fine. The Lord will not leave us alone through all of this. If I could share just a fraction of the experiences that we have had that have lifted us up through this, you would know how we find the strength to keep going. We are truly blessed!

The Munro Family Saga continues

I've decided that I need to rename our blog-- how does the Munro Family Saga sound? Tucker has been sick with the same rotovirus Hallie has had since Friday. I took him into the doctor today because he seemed to be getting worse and after a long process to get labs drawn and results, we are admitting him. He is even more dehydrated than Hallie was! All of his other levels are better than Hallie's since he has been very healthy, so they are hoping to push a ton of fluids tonight and let us go home tomorrow. I'm not holding my breath, but we can hope!

Once again, we are home!

I'm starting to feel like a broken record! But Hallie and I made it back home last night. She is still pretty sick, as is Tucker, but to have us all under the same roof is so incredibly nice! The nurse came in with her lab results yesterday afternoon and told us to pack our bags. I celebrated and Hallie broke out in sobs. She wanted to go home "tomorrow". She has told me every day we were there that she wanted to go home tomorrow. She didn't want us to unhook her feeding tube. She didn't want her iv out. She didn't like me packing our bags. But let me tell you, when she looked out the window and saw her daddy and Carson and Tucker, she was thrilled! She even did a happy dance! She saw Carson carrying her Nike clothes she got from Granny Annie and Grammy and about jumped out of my arms-- "My Nike clothes! They brought my Nike clothes because I am a Nike girl!" Then she wanted to water squirt them from the window. We are on the 4th floor and she wants a water gun to squirt her daddy and Carson with.

We are thrilled to be home. We won't be going many places for the next few weeks while she gets her strength back so that she can fight off illnesses better,but just being able to be home is an incredible blessing and we are just going to enjoy it!