Hallie

I have a ton of pictures and lots of things to update on, but I wanted to let everyone know that Hallie is going back in for surgery. She will go in on March 23 and they are going to remove a seciton of her small intestines that has become very dilated and is not functioning well. She will have the surgery at Primary Children's Hospital in Salt Lake.

I have so many emotions right now. Part of me is terrified at whether this is going to solve her problems long term or not. Is this going to be a long term, recurring problem? And if it is, what do we do in the long run for her? She can't keep losing more of her intestines. Is she going to freak out and be terrified (probably)? She won't be able to eat for probably 3-4 days after surgery, how am I going to keep her happy? This surgery is very different than any of her others simply because of her age. She's old enough to know what is going on and to know she wants no part of it. She told me she didn't want to go to the hospital, she wanted to go to the mall! I'm worried about flying back with her by myself after surgery and how long the recovery will take until she is back to somewhat normal. And I worry about the surgery itself. The doctor said it would probably be very long and complicated because of all of her scar tissue and the risk of puncturing her intestines is quite a bit higher.

On the other hand, I watch how much she is suffering, how much pain she is in, how much she is not like herself and I want to know if we can't move the surgery up-- we can't because she has a cold, but it sure is tempting! I want my little girl back. I don't want to wake up in the middle of the night to her screaming that she doesn't love me anymore and that she is done. I want her to be able to play and to enjoy her brothers and friends. She is so miserable right now that I don't hardly recognize her. She is so mean and ornery that I can hardly stand it. That is no way for my little girl to live, so I am anxious to get the show on the road and help her start feeling better.

I am so grateful for all of the love and support that everyone gives us. The kids and I have been in Salt Lake for 2 weeks and were supposed to fly home today. By the time Hallie, Tucker and I get home, it will have been almost 5 weeks that we will have been gone. That's a long time to be away from home. We have a long road ahead of us and unfortunately, this being her 4th intestinal surgery, I know all too well what is coming our direction. We could not get through this without the help and love of all of our family and friends and most of all, our loving Heavenly Father, who I know is not leaving us alone through all of this.