Out of Control

So, I know that I need to catch up on a lot of things on here. I need to blog about Thanksgiving, and my birthday, and my kids and so on, but for now I just need to vent. Then I can blog about the others and do them justice.

There is so much in my life that I don't have control over. I have no control over Hallie, her health, her doctors, where she may tak us. I have no control over how it effects my kids and the rest of my life. We just make the best out of things. I have no control over a lot of our finances. Yes, we can pay for our rent and utilities, although things have been a lot tighter since Derrick took a pay cut and I am very much looking forward to January, when supposedly his salary will revert to what it was before (cross your fingers on that one). Unfortunately, though, we have become largely dependent on the generosity of others to help pay for Hallie's expenses. That is very hard for me, becuase I can't predict what money will be coming in and I have had to basically turn it over to the Lord and pray that we will be able to meet her bills each month. I have learned to adapt and just go with the flow, but this weekend, I feel like my whole life is spinning completely and utterly out of control.

Two days ago, the owner of the house we are living in came to me and told me that he is having to short sell the house in order to avoid foreclosure. He was laid off 6 months ago and is having to sell his rental houses in hopes of being able to keep his house. We have a lease through the end of February, which he has to honor and he hopes that we choose to stay on month to month after that, until the house sells. He is even going to give us a discount on our rent.

What does this mean for us? We are moving-- hopefully as soon as possible. We of course can't move until our lease is up, but we are wanting to move as quickly as possible after that. In the mean time, the house will be on the market, so I have to have it available to show. They have to give me 24 hours notice before a showing, which I will most definitely be holding them to. I can set hours in which they can show the house-- nothing before 10:00 and after 7:30 and nothing on Sundays. Unfortunately, I have no control over who comes into my home, or what germs they may bring with them. I have told the realtor that every person that comes into my home must wear a mask and use hand sanitizer before entering. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. It is not up for negotiation. Hallie's health is too volatile to mess with like that. They are not allowed to enter her bathroom with all of her medical supplies. I don't have to leave the house when it is shown to make sure that my rules are abided by.

Other than that, I don't have much of a say. The owner is upset that I want to move as soon as I do-- hello! Who wants to live like that when there is absolutely no benefit to us! He said that if the house sits vacant for more than a month or so, he will lose it to foreclosure. I feel bad for the guy, I really do, but I have to look out for what is best for us. Not to mention that we will have our tax return to help pay for the moving expenses, so that we don't have to tighten our belts even more. The only thing I can control about this move is when it is going to happen-- if it will be on my terms, with us having the opportunity to find a house we really want to live in; or if it will be on the terms of the owner-- with him selling the house and giving us 30 days notice to move.

Derrick, is of course out of town. So I had to sit the kids down and tell them that we were moving. Hallie did and little dance and was so excited. She wants to know what color the new house is going to be. Carson cried and wanted to know if he was going to have to change schools, with tears in his eyes. Ideally, we would like to keep him in the same school, and us in the same ward at church to provide as much stability as possible, but I am realistic enough to know that we may have to change at least one, if not both.

I know that this could be a blessing in disguise. We could get a better house, or lower rent, or both. But for now, it is just completely overwhelming and makes me want to cry!